There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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