I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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I need water and some morals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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