oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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