The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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