dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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