Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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