I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize