hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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