i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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