I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize