But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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