i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize