How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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