At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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