Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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