he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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