i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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