She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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