i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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