When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bondβ¦.epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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