Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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