apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize