we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im part way to drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The power of my boobs compel you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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