he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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