do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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