I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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