I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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