DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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