Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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