the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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