she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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