i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize