ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
home. puking in laundry basket.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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