anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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