you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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