I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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