If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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