The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
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