I think I died a long time ago.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
