i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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