Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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