How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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