I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize