yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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