She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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