I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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