yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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