I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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