Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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