i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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