Moan for me like Helen Keller
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize