i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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