we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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