My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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